“All of the time, you really wanna spend your whole life alone
A little time out might do ya good, might do us good before you’re done for good”

I woke up last Friday and my smile had changed. Totally of-kilter. I mean pure dee  full on ‘stroke-face’. A stark difference from the day before.

To know me, you have to understand that smiling is a very important part of me. It’s one of the first things you see when you see me. One of the consistencies and most honest things about me. I love to laugh and I love to smile. If my smile is off, something is wrong.

So imagine my shock and horror when I tried to brush my teeth and the water ran down the side of my chin, instead of streaming into the sink. I started bugging.

All kinds of thoughts like “what in the Jermaine ‘I use one jar of 99-cent Ampro gel daily’ Jackson hell is going on? I’m freaking 22 years old, I cannot be having a stroke right now.” I start doing the stroke test that my parents posted on the fridge: raise both hands, stick out tongue, and smile. Then it hit me….my body was fine, it was just my face.

VERDICT: Bell’s Palsy. My 1st thought is who is Bell and Why do I have his Palsy.They told me it can be caused by stress or virus, and that it just happens. I vaguely remember a mention of the word from years ago when my 10th grade English teacher had it. Ms. Morgan came into to first period one day and we noticed she was slurring. It got worse as the day progressed, to the point that her right side was drooping as if she had had a stroke. The kids had nicknamed her “Captain Morgan” when she began to wear an eye patch. She even humored us by doing the Capt’s pose in between classes. We were real juvenile with it though, giving her a parrot, the whole works.

But…now, I have it.

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions all because of a damn crooked smile. My superficial ass was more concerned about was it contagious and how long this would last. I couldn’t pucker among other things, and it totally bothered me to no end. It wasn’t like I had somebody that I just had to kiss but  at that moment I thought of my god-son running to me and saying “Mal-ry, gimme kiss!” It made me cry.

3 days go by and it all became clearer: God is STILL in control.

These last 2 and a half years have been an interesting journey to say the least, some of which I’ve documented here.  I’m not the most spiritual person, but I do know the Heavenly Father and HE knows my name.  He has humbled me so much these past couple of years, breaking me down and building me up better than any boot camp or person could ever do. To be so young and ambitious is a good thing, but I was an arrogant little prick who had a ‘I’m always right, even when I’m wrong attitude”. The Ultimate narcissist Leo. The world revolved around Mallory and nothing would get in her way. Spoiled brat, even.  Shoot… I still pick fights for fun, but I digress. I  have decreased, so that HE truly may increase in me.

God has drawn me closer to him in the last year or so through several instances. For example, I ended 2008 in an armed-attempted robbery in a barber shop of all places. The bullet missed the BF, but all of the glass from the shattered door hit me in the head, but only thing  that remains is a little beauty mark in the center of my forehead.  At the beginning 2009 I rang in the New Year in a hospital, recovering from a BC-related blood clot [cause my vain ass only wanted 4 periods a year. *le sigh*]. And now this.

This experience has truly taught me the importance of perspective, increased my patience, and strengthened my resolve. I’m a work in progress, constantly evolving.

Worry about things you have no control over gets you know where but headache, stress and ultimately an untimely demise. Practically things that I’m just not into.

It’s neither here nor there what I was worried about, but there is comfort in knowing that it is no longer an issue and never will be again.

Kanye said it best, “Hey there, don’t even think about it. You worry bout the wrong things, the wrong things”

So grateful that smile is coming into view.